"Kiss"h in IrAn

Scene 1:

My travel agent is taking way too long to confirm,, its already 2pm and my visit visa is getting over in the next 7 hours.. while I’m busy sitting up and counting all the possible things that could go wrong this time… like my passport getting lost.. no record in the govt office,, name crops up in the wanted list ect ect


Scene 2:

I rush home.. have a flight to some island called kish …pack my bags in 3 mins flat .. dunno what I put in.. I just swept my table into my bag,, hope I haven’t put in my cousins unwashed undies lying on the table cos he doesn’t have any spare ones.. wonderin which country would I land up in.. I’m hoping its not iran or iraq.. u never know when I’d get bombed :)


Scene 3:

I’m shitting in my pants!!!,, it’s a toy plane heading to Iran .. 40 seater aircraft from the Stone Age wid huge fans hanging outside. felt really nostalgic cos I knew that my grandfather used to travel on similar planes or probably the same plane.. luckily the only thing that was working on the flight were the seatbelts… the ride was worser than sama road after the rains.. every third minute I thought we crashed.. like one time I even heard someone shout “I love u mom” from the backseat. And twice somebody asked the airhostess is we had a pilot on board or has he jumped with his parachute :)
One of my friends got up to use the loo and was literally asked to control since the loo was only for the staff.. the poor guy had to plead that he’ll burst and since the flight was small everybody was audience to his plight :) he almost cried of embarrassment while we prayed to avoid nature’s call



Scene 4:

I have my room keys and am dreaming abt the wonderful things I can do wid a room of my own.. after an endless search I find it at a remote corner wid a guy standing there to receive me.. I realize I may have company… but what started as company eventually turns into a public company wid seven people turning up wid the same keys..
The first look into the room gave out an impression that the American forces may have come here looking for laden… the place was raped beyond recognition.. and they’d sprayed it wid pesticide enough to kill all of us while all the cockroaches danced on the floor like it was winter in baroda :)

Needless to say.. I walked off wid my bag cursing my luck and decided to write a book on an only vacation gone wrong

But I found solace in a lot of like minded tortured souls around, like kish is full of tortured souls. If u’r not feeling good then talk to people around, their lives are so full of dirt and crap that u’ll start loving urself again :)



Scene 5:

God… this never seemed so bad.. like in my dreams whenever I slept on the beach It always felt like heaven… this was a nightmare.. it was itching all over.. there were insects in my clothes.. they’d ventured into places I couldn’t even scratch.. I had a scorpion sting on my back and boy did it feel good to be at the hotel… fuck nature .. it can go to hell .. I’ve started preferring material man made comforts :)


Scene 6:

6 shisha’s in the last 20 hours wid each one lasting a good 45 mins.. I was totally stoned.. just cant manage to stand up.. the girls around are staring at me,, actually everybody is.. I guess they’re waiting for me to fall so they can laugh..

BUT.. I manage to walk over to the cafeteria and down two mugs of cold strong bitter coffee and follow it up wid 3 litres of water..

Well like u might have guessed… next 4 hours were spent looking for empty loo’s from the hotel to the airport. Like every fifteen mins ..
Like at the airport.. the cleaner wouldn’t let me in the loo.. and he wouldn’t even understand English.. so in sign language I explain to him that I’ll flood the place if he doesn’t let me in…or probably pee on him.. but I guess my constipated look did the trick.. he realized that I have a flight in ten mins and he’ll be the one cleaning natural mess :)



Scene 7:

I have to reach the office directly, I sleep in the taxi, I sleep in the office, I sleep on my way home, I sleep for the next 18 hours.. wake up only to wonder if It was dream… just then I hear my uncle shouting… “the house is stinking, go have a bath and throw ur clothes out”
Hehehe .. so it wasn’t a dream


It was a nightmare :)