HeaD aChE

I watched No smoking, Bombay to Goa and Buddha Mar Gaya back to back.

I'm sure that says it all.

i put this on my blog because i believe i deserve recognition for displaying exemplary survival skills in the face of migraine, a barrage of bad jokes (worser than mine), crappy plots and rakhi sawant....

If you thought smoking could kill, wait till you watch "no smoking"

i believe cigarette packs should now sport lines like "No Smoking is equally injurious to your health"

DiScLaimEr

Friends: Please stop spreading tales about my salary, I already have three marriage proposals in my inbox, one happens to be a guy... Please, it’s not funny….

Mom: who told you I use adult diapers, mom please ………. please don’t send them, I know they’re on sale but please ……………. (But if you insist… I use medium size)

Sisters: Please don’t ask me to shop for your clothes, shopping for my own undies took me three hours yesterday and I only bought two… please understand my helplessness and By the way what’s an Ipod?

Dad: Shopping lists for mom and sisters have been enclosed, please do the needful, I promise I’ll pay you back and by the way your credit card limit expired last night, I used it for a couple of pay sites with weird names for educational purposes so please don’t panic when u see the bill. And also you can thank me for saving you the embarrassment of washing dishes with your clients at the restaurant had you realized this later :)

Room mates: Just incase you see me running behind somebody with a knife, do not panic and don’t call the police; I’m just playing :)

Colleagues: Ho ho ho ho..That edited picture of boss looking like a drag queen was funny.. he he he he he …but why did you guys give me the credit ,, ha ha ha ha … I saw my name below it .. Hee hee hee.. You mean you sent it to the boss as well …. You freaking son of a $&%&%

mOm PLeAse..........

Mom must really think I’m a nut; she sent me 6 books in the last three months, three by Paulo Coelho, one by Mitch Albom and two by some psycho on "how to breathe", like I haven’t been cutting potatoes and onions all these twenty two years, the opening line says that you’ve got to breathe through your nose, mom please…

Yeah I may sound like a lunatic on the phone sometimes (or might even look like one) but trust me when I say, I’m OK, and stories of me running after my room mate with a knife was a rumor until last night, and I was only trying to ask him not to bang on the bathroom door when I’m inside, it really irritates and the one where I dressed up like a witch and ran after my boss was supposed to be a joke on him, he didn't have to call the police. Such pansies I tell u …

If you don’t trust me then ask my driving instructor he says I’ve reinstated his faith in GOD and will only step into the car if he’s got his prayer beads and talisman. I am really a very positive person and I radiate happiness, I really don’t need those books :)

WriTeR's BLocK

Before you start staring at your screens and wonder why the moron’s posted in something after so long, here’s the reason …it’s called "writers block”

I’m not sure who coined this term but I’m sure that it has to be an ancestor, seldom have I seen lazier people in my life than the ones in my family, like I consider myself very very lucky to have made it to earth, more on that in some other post.

Writers though are not the only people who suffer from this, there’s also a thriving breed of gifted students as well,, I particularly suffered from it the moment I was pushed into an examination hall by my parents with some help from the peon and extra supervisors as I wailed, sobbed and cried that I be given justice, a third chance to pass the same exam at a later stage, but empathy was clearly not a part of their system then.

Like recently when my boss asked me about the sales dipping by 30 percent in the last quarter I kinda smiled and blurted “salesman block”, turns out he’s never heard of it, I mean why? ,, why me? Why does it have to happen? Why do I always get uneducated and ignorant bosses? Why don’t other people get lucky? Like should we suffer cos they never went to school but made enough money while we were mugging in college? And we’re supposed to empathize with him when he’s going through the “bonus signing block” like he calls it … yeah right.. Like he thinks all of us have come from baroda … well,, yes I have,, but ... but … ok .. I understand sir!!

Ramadan was bad, like it was great in terms of the fact that I managed to fast for all thirty days, don’t read it again,, I actually did,,, like yeah I accidentally went out for lunch once or twice but c’mon I didn’t do it every day. ok ,, ok ,,, alrite ,, u cant count water ,, no u cant .. Ok.. Ok,, 22 days .. Happy … bitch!!

but it was only in the end that I realized that for the fast to be valid I also had to pray thrice a day which apparently I didn’t know,, so technically I starved myself for thirty full days and lost 5 kgs of weight, each kilo of which had been painstakingly put on after months of sweating it out watching those sexy exercise videos at home and reading all those nutrition sections of playboy. Can u believe it ….

Where is GOD????